My Family

Assalamualaikum...

I came from a broken family. Both of my parents were divorced when I was 9 which is 17 years a go. Sebenarnya, aku bersyukur, coz even both papa and mama dah xde jodoh, tapi hubungan kitorang anak beranak still rapat. Still strong.

Masa kecik² dulu, aku slalu rasa rendah diri. Aku xpernah bagitau org yg my parents dah cerai. Malu. Even my bestfren pun tau masa aku form 4.*Kitorang start berkawan dari form 1*. Itu pun dia tanya sendiri coz dia pelik, knapa everytime aku balik kampung papa, mama x ikut. The other reason why aku x pernah bagitau is because, aku x rasa cam mama and papa are divorced. Coz aku still dapat kasih sayang sepenuhnya dari both of them. Not only pada aku, but to my brothers also..

Being raised in this kind of family buat aku strong. Buat aku berdikari. Buat aku matang. Dari kecik sampai la skarang mmg kitorang adik beradik dah diajar, 'kalau nak sesuatu, usaha sendiri'. And sampai sekarang, aku berpegang pada prinsip yg itu. Kalo dapat ikut shortcut, tu kira bonus. Tapi sebolehnya, usaha sendiri la...

Sebenarnya ada yg best and ada yg tak best being the child of a broken family.

Best because:
- aku ada dua family. Yang sayangkan aku.
- I have two mothers. But, my mama is still no. 1. No one can ever take over her place in my heart. But I love them both!
- aku ada 2 rumah. We are most welcomed at both houses. Kuantan and KL.
- I have more siblings.
- I have sisters. Kalo both of my parents are still 2gether, I dun think I will have a sister or even a young brother. Coz mama ada darah tinggi.
- I have one big happy family. Insyaallah..

Tak best because:
- Tak leh raya sama² macam family org lain. First hari raya ngan mama, second hari raya ngan papa.
- Tak seronok bila mama kena tinggal sorang² everytime kitorang 3 bradik balik umah papa.
- Rasa guilty everytime balik umah papa. Coz I know, mama sure terasa.
- Rasa guilty coz mama slalu kata, aku lebihkan papa dari dia.
- Papa jauh nun kat Kuantan.

Cukup la stakat tu je list yg x best tuh. Coz kalo aku list kan lagi, I'll surely cry.

Orang slalu tanya macamana aku handle being someone who came from a broken family. Kebiasaannya, anak2 yg datang dari keluarga yg berpecah ni selalunya se"fesyen". Biasanya anak2 yg datang dari broken family mesti problematic. Kan? Another thing... Kalau kau tinggal ngan mak kau, sure x baik trus ngan bapak ko and vice versa. And some people did asked me on that. How I managed to be close to both sides. Not only with my parents, but also with my stepmom and also the brother and sisters.

My answer is so simple. "It's you, yourself to decide".

Sometimes it's hard. Coz aku slalu rasa serba salah. Especially when I spend more time with papa. Coz I know ada hati yg terluka. But what can I do? I am trying my best to be a good daughter. I am trying my best to satisfy both of them. He is my father also. Not to say that I don't care about mama, but I also need to be with my father.

Mama, membesarkan kitorang 3 bradik sorang². I know it is not an easy task and I thank her for that. She is one brave lady. Bukan stakat brave, tapi tabah, sabar, and kuat. I really² admire her. Tapi mama, she always felt like I love papa more than I love her. Coz aku slalu lebihkan papa. Coz sometimes aku degil and xnak dengar ckp dia. Maybe mama ingat aku x sayang dia. I understand her feelings. I know that she's afraid, that we'll love papa more and forget about her. I know that 3 of us are your only treasure. I understand mama. Dun worry. You're still on top of my priority list. I promise! I love you!! So much.

Papa, sometimes dia rasa cam kitorang x ingat kat dia. Balik kuantan pun bila ada ocassion. Selebihnya, dia yg kena turun KL. And I really appreaciate him for that. Papa pulak yg turun KL jumpa anak². Satu masa dulu, aku janji nak balik Kuantan every month, tapi aku mungkir. Ampun pa..

Whatever it is, I love both of them very much. No matter what skali pun, I love them very very much.

Above all, I LOVE MY FAMILY. :)